Somewhere not so long ago, in the magical place we call Hollywood, a movie exec at Amazon stood up and exclaimed ‘That’s it! I’ve got it! Let’s remake H.G. Wells’ classic story War of the Worlds… except this time let’s make it a screenlife style movie with Ice Cube as our leading star!’. The whole room erupted. Cheers could be heard all over the land. ‘It’s genius!’ exclaimed Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, as dollar signs rolled in his eyes. ‘I don’t see anything that could possibly go wrong with this idea’ they said in unison. And they all lived happily ever after. Did any of this happen? I don’t know. I just made that up. But it’s the only plausible explanation of how this film (if we can even call it that) was conceived. Unfortunately, this story doesn’t have a happy ending for anyone who endured watching this 90 minute Amazon advert.
Listen, I am not here to give a real review of this piece of utter garbage, because in reality, all you need to know is that it’s really bad. Apparently, this film was actually made in 2020 during the pandemic (the overbearing use of Zoom makes sense now) and was then shelved for 5 years. Until now. It’s kind of like a failed experiment has escaped the lab, and is now running rampage, destroying any last semblance of cinema that it can. But I digress; rather than a real review, here is a list I have compiled of all the ridiculously bad things that are happening in this film:
- From the moment the aliens invade, Ice Cube is very nonchalant. In fact, he barely reacts to the impending doom.
- Rodrick from Diary of a Wimpy Kid is in this playing an Amazon Prime (obviously) delivery driver.
- The way people communicate about aforementioned invasion is also very unserious; i.e. ‘Emergency Zoom Meeting NOW!’.
- Eva Longoria’s character is known as ‘Sandra NASA’.
- Ice Cube is always frantically typing. It’s like when characters say ‘we need to hack the mainframe!’, except that’s the entire film.
- Ice Cube asks his daughter ‘Are you there yet?’ – is this a nod to his underrated classic Are We There Yet? from 2005?
- I can’t believe they made an alien invasion movie that takes place all from a computer screen.
- Also it’s worth noting that a lot of the footage of the military feels like random stock footage they have compiled into montages.
- Ice Cube makes the same mildly shocked facial reaction to everything that happens. I will insert a photo here:
10. He genuinely makes that face when he finds out his children might be dead and the world might be ending.
11. The aliens (who barely feature anyways) look like something dreamed up on iMovie special effects.
12. Speaking of special effects, any explosion in the film looked like it was made using one of those ‘Action Movie FX’ apps from 2010.
13. Ice Cube drives a Tesla from his computer. They make a point of showing him turn the AC on?
14. Rodrick is still out delivering parcels despite the fact that it is potentially the end of the world as we know it. Prime delivery is no joke.
15. Ice Cube says ‘got eem!’ and ‘took your ass out huh’ when he blows up the alien tripods.
16. Noooo Ice Cube’s dead wife’s Facebook has been deleted! He reacts more to this than the aliens invading.
17. When the aliens invaded they failed to realise that Ice Cube and his children are all mega hacker geniuses who can team up to stop them – what are the chances!
18. All of the dialogue is exposition.
19. Every actor is taking their role too seriously – especially Ice Cube.
20. Ice Cube and his son, who is essentially the embodiment of hacker group ‘anonymous’, make a clickbait-y YouTube video exposing the Government, entitled ‘It’s Time Y’all Knew The Truth,’
21. ‘The machines have separated from their legs.’
22. Ice Cube is more bothered about his house being blown up than his son potentially being dead. In fact, he’s actively annoyed about his son being alive. ‘I don’t have alien invasion insurance.’ Great stuff.
23. ‘Hell naw’ – Ice Cube’s reaction to finding out the Government are about to essentially nuke Washington D.C., where his pregnant daughter currently is.
24. Ice Cube needs a USB stick to transport a virus into the aliens or something. He doesn’t have one, but don’t worry! Rodrick can deliver one via Amazon Prime Air delivery. To do so, Ice Cube has to place an order for a USB stick on Amazon for promotional placement reasons.
25. Unfortunately, Rodrick’s drone gets knocked out of the sky, but alas, there is a homeless man who can help them turn it over. They hack his phone and offer him free wifi fr a year or something like that. He declines. Don’t worry though, Ice Cube knows what to do – offer him a $1000 Amazon gift card! Naturally, he obliges; who wouldn’t risk their life for $1000 to spend at Amazon?
26. Ice Cube is going to sacrifice himself, so writes an emotional email to his children explaining how being a father is hard blah blah blah. It’s a shame there are literally zero stakes that anyone cares about.
27. Ice Cube saved the world!!! Yay!!!
28. Going back to the email, he includes screenshots he took of his children while spying on them to apologise for said spying (?).
29. Don’t worry everyone – Ice Cube is still alive. And he has some advice; ‘There’s more important things to do than worry about what’s in people’s Amazon carts.’ (Don’t think Jeff would agree with that one, Ice Cube).
30. Final shot is of Ice Cube and his family at his daughter’s baby shower. All is back to normal. Rodrick is still wearing his Prime delivery driver cap. They all lived happily ever after.
Final Verdict:
It’s rare to see a movie this generationally bad; from Amazon Prime delivery still being available during the end of the world to Ice Cube saying ‘got eem!’ when he blows up an alien tripod, War of the Worlds (2025) will go down as one of the all time greatest worst films ever. They say seeing is believing, and unfortunately, War of the Worlds isn’t just as bad as people are saying; it’s worse. There is no doubt that this will sweep awards season at the Razzies next year.
The Scream Queen 
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